Liz's Lounge

What's going on?

2010-01-27T04:48:00.000-08:00

So, it's basically been forever since I posted anything. Life is crazy busy, hopefully in the next few months things may calm down a bit.

I'm working 2 jobs, 2 kids under 4, and a wonderful wife that I spend too little time with. Monthly meetings of the Transgender support group are going well, the group is slowly growing, and we are having some good conversation.

I hope to stop by here every once in a while to post something, won't be regular for now, but hopefully more often than it has been for the last year or two.

Hugs,

Liz

Happenings in Iowa - Part Deux

2008-06-17T03:57:00.000-07:00

First, I want to apologize to anyone who may come by on a regular basis looking for something new; I didn't realize that it has been so long since I posted anything. Life has become rather full, and finding time to write stuff for fun has become difficult at times.

Second, for those of you who are concerned as to what's been going on with me and the floods of 2008 in Iowa: I'm fine, as is my family. My parents are dealing with a fair amount of water in their basement from groundwater saturation, but just about everyone is dealing with that. The floods have been a tragic reminder to many that we are not in control of our environment, regardless of what we sometimes like to think.

Now, I know that busy-ness is not an excuse, but I think my explanation will be acceptable to folks. The end of February we brought home our second daughter. She's beautiful. But, as with most infants she demands a great deal of time. So we now have 2 children 2 or under. In addition to that, at the same time (why do things always pile up like that?) I started a second job: I'm pastoring a small congregation in my male identity. So between night-time feedings, and working an additional 10-15 hours a week, my time has become increasingly full.

I've been planning on posting on something for a while, but it always seems as if something else is calling for and claiming my time. Now that summer is here, perhaps I will find a way of posting a few things. I have a ton of things on my mind, that need to be expressed in one way or another.

Check back, you never know when I will post again, or what it will be about.

Happenings in Iowa

2008-01-17T04:44:00.000-08:00

Well, Iowa is at it again, or should I say Iowans are.

Way back in August (August 30th to be exact), a county judge ruled that Iowa's ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional, opening the way for same-sex marriage. Less than a day later, there was a moratorium issued on his decision, and the case was sent on to the state Supreme Court. Who honestly thought that the close-minded, fear-mongering folks of Iowa would let the legal system work the way it was intended?

Yesterday, the opponents of gay marriage protested at the capital in Des Moines. It's amazing how much something as simple as letting two people love each other can cause so much hate and vitriol to come to the surface (even if it wasn't that far below the surface before.) The thing that is so amazing to me is that the most heat and hate is coming from individuals and organizations that publicly tout their Christian virtue. I have yet to hear opponents to gay marriage come up with a reason for their position that is not based in religious belief, or comes from an easily debunked pseudo-social-psychological organization. These folk were protesting for the right to vote on the issue, their chant was 'majority rules.' Great, majority rules! If majority ruled, women and people of color would not have the right to vote, people of color would still be sitting at the back of the bus, and my 'house help' would have way more of a tan than me.

Those who are seeking gay marriage rights are not seeking to make churches marry same-sex individuals. A church has the choice to choose to marry or not marry anyone they choose. There are churches that will not marry people who live together, or come from different faith backgrounds, or are deemed to be making a big mistake. Those people can still find a church somewhere, or go in front of a judge to be joined. The thing is that after that, they have access to all the benefits that are given to married folk by the laws of this land. That is what the proponents of gay marriage are seeking. Access to those same rights that are granted to heterosexual couples.

Did you know that there are (at latest count) 1,138 benefits that same-sex couples do not have easy access to? Yes, it is true that there are legal ways in which they can get many of these rights, but that costs hundreds of hours of legal assistance, when other people need to just say 'I do.' And that doesn't include the tax differences, medical care stuff, familial law, and so forth. I hope that people who oppose this action take the time to actually research it and find out that this truly is about equality and equal access under the law.

As someone who took part in a same-sex marriage last year, and hope to be a part of many more, I pray that Iowa will continue its grand tradition of equality, and prove that this state is truly a leader in many ways.

Past History

2008-01-05T05:35:00.000-08:00

One of the things that I have not talked about here is my time in seminary, and why I am not a pastor. I had basically put that part of my life behind me and moved on with my life, then WHAM, up pops something new. Before I go into the new development I should say something about what happened.

I entered Wartburg Theological Seminary with the intention of studying to become a pastor in the ELCA. I was a decent student, and I loved my studies. I was popular with my fellow students and my professors. My second year, I was chosen for the opportunity to go to Germany for a year and study theology there, in the motherland. It was there that things began to fall apart. My wife at the time had a difficult time with the amount of time that I was dedicating to my studies, it was in another language after all, and theology isn’t exactly an easy subject. To make the story short, she found comfort in the arms of another. We worked through that and returned to the US. Where, after about 9 months, she did it again.

This time however, she went one step further and outed my transgender nature to the seminary. That was the beginning of the end. I was very quickly asked to withdraw, and move on with my life. I could come back if I could prove I was mature enough to deal with my ‘problem’; in other words, live completely in the closet and tell no one, ever. That’s something I cannot do. I’m not ashamed of who I am.

Well, now it’s been a few years. The ELCA is continuing its discussions about the presence of GLBT people in its churches and its pulpits. A group is trying to put together the stories of former or future pastors who were stopped in their vocational journey because of who they are. My story is included in their collection.

I left the ELCA a few years ago, and am happy where I am. However, in my heart of hearts I am Lutheran not United Church of Christ. If there were a way in which I could go back to the ELCA and complete my studies, and enter into a pastoral position openly as a transgender person, I would have to think long and hard about that chance. It’s not that I would want to serve communion or run a service as Liz, but I don’t want to have to live in constant fear that someone will find out, and I will be removed. In addition, I love speaking to the public about transgender, so I am somewhat out to the general public.

So right now my heart is torn. Not really sure why I wrote about this, but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening, and caring.

Peace

2007 - the year in 'T'-view

2008-01-03T05:06:00.000-08:00

With the passing of another year, it’s important to take a few moments and reflect on the achievements and disappointments of the previous year. 2007 has been a year of ups and downs for the transgender community, both locally and nationally.

Probably the most important thing that happened in Iowa for the transgender community was the passing and signing by Gov. Culver in May of a law extending civil rights protections and non-discrimination provisions to LGBT (including transgender) people in employment, housing, credit, public accommodations, and educational institutions. SF 427 shows that Iowa is not as conservative as many people would like to think. On the national level, the exclusion of transgender from the Employment non-Discrimination Act was a major disappointment. We can only hope that history will not be repeated and the promise that they ‘will come back for us’ will happen.

In arts and entertainment we saw more inclusion of transgender characters on broadcast television. From All my Children, and Ugly Betty, to Dirty Sexy Money; we have seen characters that are transgender included in the cast in a respectful way, not purely for the shock factor. If you consider the number of cases on the major television crime dramas, the coverage and inclusion of transgender in 2007 has been momentous. Also on television we are introduced to a gender non-conforming child on Fox’s The Riches. Let’s hope that this bodes well for the future and transgender can finally remove its association with Jerry Springer and ‘shock TV.’ In the Film arena, Martin Rawlings-Fein’s documentary Clocked: An Oral History provided an intimate portrait of transgender communities through personal reflections. Among other contributions there was Catherine Crouch’s controversial The Gendercator, Godspeed (a film based on Lynn Breedlove’s novel), and The Believers a documentary about the all transgender member Transcendence Gospel Choir.

In the literary world we saw more books being published concerning transgender. In Transparent, Cris Beam explores the world of the transgender teenagers living on the streets of Los Angeles. In her book, She’s not the Man I Married, Helen Boyd continues her discussion and exploration of what it means to be the partner of a transgender person.

In Iowa we have seen the continued growth of and interest in the TG community. There are now opportunities for support throughout the state. There are groups for all facets of the TG community. One of the most exciting developments has been the launch of a group specifically for individuals still in high school or college. On a personal note, in 2007 I was able to give 14 presentations around the state on Transgender. If you would like me to come and present for your school or organization, please contact me.

2007 was a good year for the Transgender community. Let’s do our best to make 2008 even better.

Recent thoughts

2007-12-13T04:47:00.000-08:00

O wow, it's been forever. I'm sorry, life seems to get more and more busy.

One of the things that I have bee thinking about recently is my own status as transgender, specifically as a crossdresser. These thoughts are a direct result of my talking with a counselor on a regular basis on non-transgender issues. So here is what I've been thinking about.

My entire life I have been overly concerned with how people see, view and think about me. The publics perception of who I am is very important to me. This is probably the direct result of having parents who both had careers and lifestyles where they felt public perception was important, and they incubated those same feelings within me (and perhaps my brother). This need for public acceptance has influenced me in many ways throughout my life. It controls my hair style, my fashion sense, my jewelry sense, my lack of tattoos and non-ear body piercings. It influences my social circles, and my use of language. The thing I have been wondering and thinking about recently is if it also plays a role in my transgender nature.

My whole life I have felt that I was different than most boys gender-wise. I knew I was transgender, but I never felt like I should have been a girl. Granted there are times when I wish for breasts (every time I put on a bra, or a low cut top), and times when I look between my legs and think about what things would be like if my thing wasn't there, I can't genetically father any children, so what use are my testes?, but I never really wanted to be a woman. I was happy being a man wasn't I? The thing is, how much of my feeling my transgender identification as a crossdresser was out of an ingrained desire not to disappoint or cause too many waves for those who know or encounter me?

In other words, could my psychological need not to disappoint others be at the root of my identifying as a crossdresser, and not as a transsexual person, or as any other category on the transgender spectrum? I don't know the answer to this. It's going to take some more time to think through things. Of course these thoughts are coming at the most crazy, hectic, busy time of year. Who knows, maybe sometime after the holidays I will be able to dedicate some more mental time to figuring out a few of these things.

If I don't have a chance to write again, I wish all of you a blessed holiday season and a happy new year!

History Lesson

2007-10-10T04:48:00.000-07:00

I ran across this piece this morning. I am not going to quote all of it, you can read it for yourself. I am thrilled that someone took the time to research and present this information. It's important for people to realize that transgender is not a new issue, it's something that has been around for a while. It may be hard to believe, but trans activism actually predates gay/ lesbian activism.

This history lesson is brought to you today by Susan Stryker. She earned her Ph.D. in United States History at UC Berkeley in 1992, the same year she transitioned male-to- female, helped found Transgender Nation, and got fired from her first job for being transgendered.

Here are a few awesome snippets from her paper:

1. Transgender is not a recent fad; Anti-transgender discrimination is not new.
In the United States, cities all across the country started passing ordinances against crossdressing beginning in the 1840s. That’s not a typo. The 1840s. A common phrase in these laws made it a crime for a man or a woman to appear in public “in a dress not belonging to his or her sex.”

5. Did gay activism start before trans activism in the United States?
No. It appears to be the other way around. In a pair of books called Autobiography of an Androgyne (1918) and The Female Impersonators (1922), the author Earl Lind (a self- described “androgyne,” “hermaphrodite,” and “fairy” in New York, who also used the name Jennie June) described his/her social world in New York City. According to Lind, a group of New York androgynes led by one Roland Reeves formed “a little club” called The Cercle Hermaphroditos in 1895, based on their self-perceived need “to unite for defense against the world’s bitter persecution.”

11. Why didn’t transgender people build their own movement, instead of piggybacking on the gay and lesbian movement?
They did. Starting in the mid-1960s, transgender people organized on their own behalf.
They established support groups, educated social and medical service providers about their own needs, published newsletters, talked to the media, and did all the things that people do when they are building a movement. By the early 1970s, a group in San
Francisco called the National Transsexual Counseling Unit employed two peer counselors and coordinated an impressive network of transgender-related services. There was a group in New York called the Queen’s Liberation Front, a group in Philadelphia called the Radical Queens, and a group in Los Angeles called the Transsexual Action Organization. There was activism at the local level all across the country.

14. So you mean the transgender activism of the past decade is not a new thing?
That’s right. Since the early 1990s, when possibilities opened up for alliance with other people working on progressive social change issues, the transgender movement has flourished beyond the wildest hopes of many who have been involved in the struggle for transgender justice for decades. But this is the resurgence of a dormant movement rather than the birth of something entirely new. It’s only now, after decades of work by countless thousands of people, that transgender issues are getting a candid look from members of the general public. This is an historic moment. There have never been more people paying attention to this issue. We have to mobilize everything within our power to win the fight for transgender equality. Knowing our history is part of that fight.

When I finished reading this paper, I was fired up and recharged in my fight for full transgender equality. As the transgender community, we need to get the word out about the important work that has been done in the past by our sisters and brothers, and continue to work for the full-inclusion of all transgender people in the rights, responsibilities and protections that society offers to others.

Labels

2007-10-05T04:59:00.000-07:00

Holy moley, it's been ages since I posted.

One of the difficulties that the transgender community faces is that all of us have different definitions and preferences for the many terms and categories - CD/TV/TS/DG/TG/Etc. I say this is a difficulty because our division, causes confusion with the general public; they don't know how to talk about us (in a good way). One dresser finds the use of TV insulting and prefers CD, another person who in their dressing and identity is exactly the same finds CD to be incomplete and prefers TG, another identical dresser says TG is only for TS and prefers TV. No wonder the non-dressing community is unsure of how to deal with us, we are unsure of how to effectively talk about who we are. I think it would benefit the entire community if we could figure out a standard definition/ label that could be agreed upon and used by everyone so that we can provide clarity to this confusing world of gender/ gender identity/ gender expression.

We have the term transgender. It's supposed to serve as a unifying term for all the various terms that are being used. The problem is that some members of the community do not identify as TG, they feel that TG is really for the transsexual person, not the occasional crossdresser/ transvestite. Is this about personal preferences/ cultural differences (transvestite is common and accepted in the UK, and not so much here in the US) or is it a reflection of the lack of quality education and explanation of the various terms, and the need for a unifying one?

The question is, how do we go about attempting to do this, and is it even necessary or desired by the community (in other words, am I speaking to an empty room)? In my opinion, I think it is necessary. I also think that the only way in which this can happen is for the transgender community to unify itself on its own. We need to settle on some standard definitions, and usages of the specific terms that are in use. We also need to embrace some sort of unifying single term (transgender/ gender queer/ etc.). I'm not sure about how to go about this in an effective way, but I think if we can present a united front to the public, our battles will be more effective as we will be causing less confusion to the general populace since we are all talking the same language.

Hope the language I'm using is understandable.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

2007-09-07T04:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote anything, I apologize. It's been crazy around here.

One of the things that I've noticed about the MtF crossdressing community in my long association with it, is the 'tell me how cute I look' syndrome. What I mean by this is that there seems to be a somewhat common aspect of this community that seeks out positive affirmation of their appearance.

Now, there is nothing wrong with liking to look good, or with having people appreciate the time it takes to dress well. I'm not against compliments or asking, with a genuineness, "How do I look?"

What I have a problem with is that it seems like many in the community find their only self worth in the opinions of others. There are many instances I have encountered, where a person is simply putting a picture out there so they can be told how cute they are, or how sexy their legs are, or some other similar comment. I'll be honest, I'm a bit sick of the, "I just went shopping, I got this really cute outfit, tell me how cute I look in it" postings and emails I see within the community.

We all are in need of validation of our attempts to be feminine or masculine, that is not in question. My concern is that many of the people who are posting the, "am I pretty" type of messages are dealing with some underlying dislike of themselves. They are not able to see the good qualities about themselves, and seek out the comments of others in order to have some semblance of positive self. This may be one of the reasons that the person dresses, to escape the fact that they truly do not like themselves.

Dressing is an incredible thing. I love being a crossdresser. Dressing should be a way of expressing a fuller vision of who a person is, not escaping from something. There are enough people in the world who are in denial about who and what they are. If you dress to escape your hated other ego, please talk to someone about it; there is likely a lot more going on than just dressing.

My two cents.

Dressing for Me

2007-08-06T05:51:00.000-07:00

Most of the time it seems that I dress when I have a function or an event to attend. Thus, I tend to dress in more career casual or dress outfits. My shoes are more sensible, my dresses a little longer, my makeup more restrained. Last night I dressed for me.

When I first began to dress, and explore my transgender tendencies, I was like a lot of other crossdressers. The image I had in my mind of the feminine was what the media had been pushing for some time. It was the Victoria's Secret model, the Playboy playmate, the beer girl; that was the image in my head that I was seeking to portray. Not exactly a "normal" female. Especially not one you would normally run into while cruising the aisles at Walmart.

I loved my super high heels, and super short skirts. I found the heavier makeup added to the difference between boy and girl modes. I dressed that way for a long time. It wasn't until I began to do public speaking and education that I dialed back my dressing habits. If I was going to be representing the transgender community, I desired to present in a way that was more acceptable to my audience. Thus, I sought and endeavored to dress in a way that was more in line with how a real woman would dress and present herself.

Last night, for the first time in a long time I dressed for me, and only for me. I always enjoy getting dressed, even when I am going to be doing a presentation. However, last night brought me in many ways full circle. I was not going out, no one but my wife would see me. I could dress in whatever way I desired. Out came the mini dress, and sky high heels. Out come the paint roller for eyeliner and eyeshadow application. When it was all done, I looked as if I could walk down certain streets looking for customers, and I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. (Sorry, no pictures. We couldn't find our camera.)

As much as I enjoy dressing, as often as I do public speaking events and other outings (my public speaking and education is very important to me, and to those who I encounter.) But, I need to remember to take a bit of time every now and then to dress for me. After last night I feel as if my batteries have been recharged. My transgender "Energizers" are fully primed and ready to roll, I look forward to years of just, "going and going."

Gender Dysphoria/ Gender Hysteria

2007-07-31T06:04:00.000-07:00

One of the most common phrases you here thrown around within and about the transgender community is, "Gender Dysphoria." This refers to a person being uncomfortable with one's assigned gender. It's an interesting idea, but I think for many people it misses the point. The problem, as I see it, is that the concept of Gender Dysphoria promotes and furthers the thinking that gender is binary in nature - male or female.

As someone who thinks about gender on a daily basis, I find the whole binary aspect of gender limiting and false. I know so many people whose gender cannot be limited to one end of the binary. They are not unhappy with their assigned gender, they just find that it does not do justice for them, it limits the full extent of who they are. As someone who is a male, and very happy being a male, am I really gender dysphoric because I like to put on a dress? It's not that I'm uncomfortable as a male, I am very comfortable, but there is more to me than just being a male.

Society needs to move beyond this crazy need to define people in a binary way as either male or female. This is the Gender Hysteria to which I am referring. As a society we have this need to be able to put everyone into a little box, define them - liberal or conservative, black or white, American or for'ner, FOX News or CNN, married or single, male or female. For most people in these so-called categories, they do not fully fit. I may be liberal leaning, but not 100% liberal, I may be American, but I was born overseas and take pride in that. I may be male, but I take pride in the fact that my feminine side is also evident.

Gender is not a matter of one of two options. Gender is a point on a continuum between two extremes. The extremes of male and female. Gender cannot be easily defined in a person, and it's time for us to stop trying so hard to make it fit into our limited definitions and understandings. Let the person be a "male" who likes to wear nail polish, the "female" who hates make-up, the "male" who loves make-up. Let's focus on the person, not on how well they fit into societies understanding of gender.

I don't believe that any person is Gender Dysphoric, I believe that society is Gender Hysteric. If we were to allow people to express who the are without discouraging them or telling them what they are doing is wrong, they would be perfectly happy and not uncomfortable at all. It's societies problems with how a person expresses their uniqueness, not the person's.

That's if for today, my head hurts!

Visible Panty Lines

2007-07-28T06:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is one of those not so 'heady' entries. As a crossdresser, I tend to wear panties pretty much every day. I just don't like men's underwear. I find it uncomfortable, and the fabric they use is pretty rough against the skin as well. I find women's underwear far more comfortable, and the fabric is so much nicer. I think most men would love to wear underwear made of the same fabric, even if it was cut as a 'regular' brief or boxer type.

That said, one of the things I have to think about is whether or not my underwear is showing. That Victoria's Secret emblazoned band is a dead give-away about the underwear you are wearing. Is my shirt fully tucked in and covering? It's not that I'm ashamed of wearing womens underwear (wasn't Rod Stewart rumored to have worn his fair share?), it just makes those awkward questions less likely. When I am headed out to the gym or to the pool, I always have to think about what I have on under my pants (locker rooms can be terrifying places for a crosssdresser.) I get nervous about people looking through the laundry baskets at home (of course why would anyone be doing that?). There are just a few too many panties in there for my wife, not to mention they aren't all the same size.

In spite of all this, I am a card carrying member of the Victoria's Secret fan club. I even have an Angel Card. I'm not the only male who is a fan of 'Vickys'. I'm not sure how much money VS makes each year, but I'm sure that somewhere around 5% of their sales are to men who do not plan on giving those lacy items to their girlfriend or wife. Men who may enjoy their finery only in the privacy of their own home, or those like me who wear them on a daily basis under their business suits and ties. I'll accept the risk of people perhaps seeing my secret, and wear my panties proudly.

Besides, maybe Victoria's Secret is really about Victor?

Passing Thoughts

2007-07-24T04:39:00.000-07:00

One of the concerns that many transgender people have is the ability to pass. When we speak about passing its really about being able to blend into society in such a way that we are indistinguishable from those of the gender that we are representing. For many, the ability to pass is the holy grail that is sought.

However, it must be said that for most people who are transgender, passing to the degree of invisibility is a fantasy. Now, it's true that for many in the Female-to-Male community, blending in is not as difficult, but for most in the Male-to-Female community, truly passing is not a realistic goal. But, is that all bad?

Speaking for myself, I always try to look as good and as realistically feminine as possible, but I am also honest with myself as to my passing ability. With a lot of makeup, careful lighting, creative use of the camera and positions, I can create a picture that looks pretty good. However, in a face-to-face meeting, all bets are off. I'm 6 foot tall, I have big man hands, a well-developed adam's apple, a booming voice,wide shoulders and no hips. There are tons of things about my appearance that scream male. Does that stop me from being Liz? No. It has brought me to a new place, though.

I've always admired those who can pass with ease. Those unique folk that can walk through a mall without getting looked at or giggled at by flocks of teenage girls. I've wanted to be one of those lucky few; I still wish I could do that. But then I think for a second, I don't want to be a woman. I truly enjoy being a male, I just like being able to participate in some of the superficial aspects of female. Does my passing ability change or have any affect on that desire? No, I could be a 7ft tall former linebacker, and still love to put on a dress and heels.

I'm transgender, a crossdresser. I am also an advocate for transgender individuals and communities. The world does not see those people who pass with ease, they disappear. I do not want to take anything away from their experiences and life, what they have gone through in their journey is valid and beneficial for all. However, it will be the person who does not pass, and still dresses and goes out publicly that will have the greatest effect on the publics thoughts and opinions about the transgender world. One of the scariest things, yet most fun, that I do is go shoe shopping. I love to head to the mall and look for shoes, and I do it in drab all the time. It's scary because you never know what the reaction will be, it's fun, well, because it's shoes. I'm always honest about what I am looking for, and most of the time try the shoes on. I have had some chuckles, and some stares, but for the most part I have been treated with respect, and been given the opportunity to educate one or two people about transgender.

Passing will always be important to the transgender community, it will always be the goal. But I think we should put less emphasis on passing, and more on being who we are regardless of our ability to blend in. If we can joyfully accept the fact that we don't look like that Victoria's Secret model, but still love to wear that bra and panty set, the better off we will be and the more progress we will be making towards acceptance of the whole transgender spectrum.

Weekends and Weddings and Badgers, Oh My!!

2007-07-19T05:26:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a last few days!

Over the last weekend, the fam and I were lucky enough to attend the wedding of some friends in Madison then visit some other friends in Milwaukee. The friends in Madison know all about Liz, the friends in Milwaukee have no clue.

The weekend was awesome. I have very few days off, and to have essentially a 6 day weekend was an incredible break and battery recharger. Even though we spent a lot of time on the road, and spent way too much money, it was totally worth it. We left early on Sat morning and drove to Madison. The wedding itself was held at the Elk's club on the lake. The weather was perfect the bride was beautiful and the groom dashing. We had a wonderful time catching up with old friends. One of the people we hadn't seen since our own wedding was Michelle. Michelle and my wife were counselors together at a camp while they were in college. Michelle now is a college professor and helps to educate future teachers. There is possibility that Liz will be headed to see her and her classes to talk about transgender. Nothing definite, but exciting none the less.

On Sunday we went to the gift opening. I wore flip-flops and blue toe-nail polish. It took most of the morning for anyone to say anything. And then, the only comment was that my toes matched my shirt. It was that sort of a crowd, all sorts of people that we could really get along with. Like-minded on all sorts of social and political issues. The common theme for the wedding gifts was alcohol and knives. Not sure exactly what the hidden meaning was, but it definitely caused a chuckle or two. Sunday afternoon we had a wonderful dinner with two of our best friends in Mad-town, Brett and Bernie. We love these two guys, and are so happy that they have found happiness with each other.

On Monday we headed off to Milwaukee to see another friend of my wife. They lived in Germantown, just north of Milwaukee. Great family, and great people. Of course they don't know about Liz, so the toenail polish came off. We do these sort of things to make the world happier. My daughter had a great time playing with their 2 kids.

Then on Tuesday we headed for home. Long drive, but uneventful. Wednesday night we ended our pseudo-vacation with dinner with some local friends at their home with their little girl. We missed Berlyn's birthday party due to the wedding and hadn't see Danielle or Lytishya in what seemed like forever.

It was a great few days, but now it's time to return to the real world. In a few hours I need to punch the clock again; oh well, it was great while it lasted.

Beer Snob

2007-07-12T05:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this will be a little bit of a different kind of a posting. I'm sort of a beer snob. I relly, really like my beer; but, I'm also really picky about it. I do not like to drink the traditional American beers, but I recently found a beer that surprised me.

Michelob has a wheat beer that is both authentic in its taste and texture as well as very budget conscious. When I drink this beer, my mind is instantly transported back to the beer gardens in Germany that I visited often while I lived there. To find an authentic tasting German style beer in the USA, made by an American company is refreshing. I can only hope that this bodes well for the future, and other US beer drinkers will discover the joys of full body beers that do not require a grimace to swallow.

Big Purses - AKA Baggage

2007-07-11T05:30:00.000-07:00

I think that everyone here in this world has baggage of some kind. Whether it’s baggage about something that happened to us as we were growing up, or the way in which our parents raised us that affects us to this day, we all have baggage. For me, my baggage is a hodge-podge of lots of things.

My parents are both deeply spiritual; so much so that they dedicated a large portion of their adult life to serving as missionaries in Papua New Guinea. I was born there, and graduated from high school there as well. That has created some baggage for me. At times I feel like my parents’ calling from God was more important to them than their family connections. I have many times in my life tried to develop or increase the level of my spirituality in what could have very well been an attempt to gain more favor in my parents’ eyes; an attempt to create some sort of a connection, a deeper relationship with them. My faith is something that is very important to me, but there are times when I wonder if it is my own faith that empowers me spiritually, or my parents’ faith.

I was always the odd child (well, duh), I had interests that my parents simply did not understand. One example: I have always enjoyed being athletic, for me running was as natural as breathing. My parents didn’t get it. They supported me to a point, but it always felt to me that they were supporting only to a certain level. My father only saw me run in 2-3 races my whole life, my mother maybe a half dozen. They just didn’t understand why I would want to run. We took swimming lessons growing up, but it wasn’t until I was in late Junior High that I even heard of things like Little League. They never even brought that part of society into our home, because they didn’t personally feel that it was important, so obviously, their children wouldn’t think it was important nor have an interest in it either.

That’s just two of my pieces of luggage that I carry around as baggage. Then into that mix of stuff, you add the transgender element. As I was growing up, I knew that there was something about me that made me different. I was not a normal boy. Sure, I did all the things that normal boys do, I had many of the same interests; but, there was always something more, something that made me not quite the normal boy. Whether it was my fascination with clothing, shoes, or makeup; there was always something else there. It was the hidden, unspeaking monster that affected every aspect of my life; but, I couldn’t let anyone know about it, or let them see its effect on me. My being transgender is probably the single primary piece of baggage that has effected every part of my life.

One of the things that my parents succeeded in instilling in me is the part of my personality that needs to be accepted and respected in society. The mantra of, “What will people think?” is very strong in my life. It limits and controls much of what I do. Public acceptance, even by strangers, is somehow important to me. I know I should give a rat’s hiney about what people think about me most of the time, but I do care, and it is at time debilitating in its control over me. Every time I shave my legs and wear shorts, I have in my mind, “What will people think?” Every time I wear any style of earrings in boy mode, “What will people think?” Every I get my eyebrows waxed, “What will people think?” When I paint my toenails and wear sandals, “What will people think?”

I feel that if I could conquer being controlled by ‘what will people think’, my life will be tons happier, and my other baggage will also be diminished. I would be able to live my life the way I want to live it, and not feel as if I need to be given the nod of approval by everyone for my actions or deeds.

Mirror Voyeurism

2007-07-06T04:14:00.000-07:00

Sort of an interesting title, huh? I've been thinking about the reality of mindset that I have noticed in myself and many other members of the crossdressing community, and that's the best title I have been able to come up with so far. So, let's unpack my thoughts.

For many crossdressers the mirror is both best friend and hated truth teller. Many of us love nothing more than being able to stand or sit in front of a mirror looking at ourselves in all our glory. Seeing our femme image reflected back is the visual feedback that contributes to the sensual feedback we get from wearing that attire. However, if we are honest with ourselves, the mirror also tells us the truth that there are things about our appearance that give away the truth of our anatomy. Most of us have a desire to be completely passable, to be the woman we have in our minds eye, and the mirror breaks into our fantasy with the truth of most of our inability to do exactly that. It's funny how many pictures you find online where the image has been cropped just perfectly to eliminate any of the telltale clues that hint towards the true anatomy of the person. In the CD community, leg and shoe shots are the standard.

One of the more interesting aspects of the transgender experience when it comes to most crossdressers is that we can find enjoyment through the actions and images of others. As we know most males and many females enjoy looking at erotic pictures; why else would all those adult book stores be so successful? If a person goes online and starts to look at all those crossdressing websites and profiles, one of the things you quickly discover is the stunning number of pictures that are out there for consumption. Yes, it is true that some people get an exhibitionistic thrill from posting and displaying pictures, but I think there might be a deeper reason.

Speaking for myself I find looking at other crossdressers pictures a way in which I can in some third party way express my femme self. It's sort of like watching a tourist video of France, rather than going there. Yes, the experience is different, but you get to see the main sites, experience visually and aurally some of the culture, and all this from the comfort of your own couch. When a crossdresser sees another crossdressers pictures, we in some way take part in mirror voyeurism. We truly enjoy seeing another CD, it helps us feel not quite so alone in the world. However, we also on some level experience ourselves in the same outfit or article of clothing. When we look at another CD's pictures, or read about their experiences we take part in those same events. Other people's pictures serve in many ways like a mirror for us, a mirror for our femme identity.

Sort of like the secret doorway into CS Lewis' Narnia, we journey into our fantasy land either through our own mirrors, or through the mirrors that are provided to us through others pictures and experiences.

Oh, it hurts so good

2007-07-05T05:04:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm going to go on a different sort of track from my more regular postings (as if you can't tell by the title). The weather here in Iowa has been incredible the last few days (hot and sunny, but pretty humid). Yesterday (the 4th of July!!) I had the day off, and decided to make use of the weather. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I enjoy going on bike rides, so yesterday I took one.

My whole body hurts! I think I was only on the roads for about an hour and a half, but with the heat and sun it took a lot out of me. I'll be dragging my feet for the next day or so as my body recovers. When I got back from the ride, I mentioned to my wife that as sore and tired as I was, I hadn't felt that alive in a long time. I'm going to give my body a day or so to recover, then I'm going to do it all again; one way or another, I'm going to get this body of mine back into shape.

For those of you who are interested in the technical info: I ride a bright yellow Corratec racing bike that I bought when I lived in Germany a few years ago. It's a nice little bike, and probably one of the only ones here in the US. As far as I know, there is not an authorized importer of Corratec here in the US. For you with a retailers mind, here's a chance for you to have a niche.

That's about it for today, have to limp around and get myself ready for work.

Transgender 101

2007-07-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

Today, I thought that I would do a quick overview of transgender, and what it means and how I feel many people are misusing the term(s).

Transgender is a relatively new term referring to any person that behaves or identifies in a way that is not concurrent with their assigned birth sex. This includes people who are born one sex and feel that they should have been born another sex; people who dress temporarily or permanently as another sex, and all others who transgress 'gender norms'. Transgender is considered an umbrella term under which other transgender terms are included. These terms include: transsexual, crossdresser, transgenderist, androgynist, intersex, drag performer, gender queer, and many others.

One of the things that I have recently noticed, that is a bone of some contention for me, is the use of the term transgender to specifically refer to a transsexual person. This has become so prevalent that individuals who are themselves transgender in the more generic term, are removing themselves from the transgender community because they don't want to 'change their sex'. The media is also at fault for this misuse of the word. I can forgive the media as the are still learning about the transgender community; but for members of the transgender community itself to be misusing the term, or denying their own membership is disappointing.

The LGBT title refers to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. There are lots of ways of differentiating within each of these communities and most of these sub-groups are very independent form the other subgroups, but they are a part of the primary category. For example, there are so-called butch lesbians and lipstick lesbians, and these two groups differ in many ways, a butch would not wish to be identified as a lipstick nor vice-versa, but both of these groups identify themselves as lesbian first, then as their sub-group.

The transgender community needs to do the same. We need to enthusiastically claim our membership as transgender people first. We need to recognize that the crossdresser and the transsexual, though not the same, and having different goals and desires, are the same in that they are transgender. Our fight for recognition, freedoms, and rights is essentially the same. Only if we can unite in our similarities can we look to being able to present a strong unified front to the public. As the public learns to accept all the varying aspects of the transgender community, all of us gain. If the public only accepts and encounters one or two of the sub-groups, the rest of the groups will be over-looked or pushed into classifications as deviant or worse.

I'm transgender and I'm proud of being transgender. I'm also a crossdresser of which I am also proud. I have friends who are transgender. Transgender transsexuals, transgender drag queens, transgender male lesbians, transgender gender queers, transgender crossdressers. All of my friends are so different and unique, but they are transgender in their unity.

Relationships

2007-06-29T05:05:00.001-07:00

Today, I want to spend a few minutes talking about relationships, specifically my incredible partnership with my wife and less specifically relationships with a transgender person in general.

My wife and I celebrated our third anniversary a few days ago, and have been together now for almost 5 years. She has known about and been supportive of who I am since our third date. She's the most incredible person in the world, with a heart that the world cannot not contain due to its unlimited potential for love of others.

On our third date we shared our "biggest secrets". Mine was about being a crossdresser, hers was...it's a secret! She responded that my being a crossdresser was not a big deal, but she has since admitted she didn't really know what it was all about, just that she knew it wasn't a 'deal breaker'. Over the next few days and weeks, we both explored what it meant that I was transgender. We spent hours and hours talking about all sorts of things. I answered every single one of her questions openly and honestly. If who I was and my past and current desires were going to be a problem in the relationship, I wanted it out in the open at the beginning not after a period of time, when the pain and damage to the relationship would be even worse.

Obviously, we worked through what my being transgender means in our relationship. Luckily, in our relationship my being transgender though a major aspect, is not all impacting as I am an occasional crossdresser, and not a full-time transgender person, nor do I identify as a transsexual. For people whose partners desire to be more full-time in their expression of their transgender identity, there can be major effects and changes forced on the relationship.

What do you do if your partner of years, out of the blue, suddenly tells you that they feel trapped in their sex, that they think they are supposed to be a different sex, and wish to move in that direction? What do you do if your partner desires to express their transgender in a more full way? Every relationship is different, as is every couple. There is no one answer that will work for every circumstance. If you are in a situation like this, I have only a few suggestions.

First, be honest about everything; both of you. If the transgender person hides things or feelings, the trust will be damaged if these hidden things come into the open in the future. If you think that you might be transsexual, say that. If you think you might also have sexual orientation differences, express that thought. If the non-transgender person hides things or feelings, similar effects can result. If you have problems with your partner being transgender, express those difficulties, and discuss them, don't hide them or think they will go away. Honesty hurts, but hidden things hurt more when they come into the open a later time.

Second, if you think it will be of benefit, seek out and speak to a counselor or therapist. Do this individually and as a couple You will both have issues that you will need to work out alone, as well as many things that you may need to work out mutually. A trained counselor or therapist can be of great benefit for many couples.

Third, keep the lines of communication open. Nothing hurts a relationship more than silence. Talk to each other, hug each other, kiss each other, be with each other. Celebrate the love that has brought you to this point, and depend on that love to carry you beyond.

Relationships of any kind have their ups and downs, and a transgender relationship is no different. Just because one person is transgender does not mean the relationship is doomed, there are thousands and thousands of couples who have crossed this bridge and are joyfully and happily still together.

Now, go find the love of your life and give them a big hug and a smooch.

She's back, bearing gifts!

2007-06-28T05:19:00.000-07:00

My wife got back to the US a few days ago. She spent 2 weeks in France chaperoning a group of high school students. She does this every few years, and every trip is different and has its own unique ups and downs. Of course, she came back with gifts for me!!!!!

The first thing she handed to me was the official t-shirt for this years Tour de France. This is so cool, she knows that I love to get out on my bike and go for miles and miles when I have the chance. In some ways, there is nothing better than hitting the open road and feeling the rush of air as you go along. When RAGBRAI (Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa) comes through here next month, I'm going to have to wear the shirt and see if I get any comments about it.

The next thing she pulls out of her bag is this adorable little purse. It's creamy white with the Eiffel Tower and "Paris France" embroidered in a pattern on its sides. It's so cute, and I can't wait to have the chance to make use of it on my next foray into the public world.

The final thing she got was actually a request. I love a specific perfume by Christian Dior. I discovered it a few years ago when a friend from France brought a small bottle of it here as a gift. It's called J'Adore and it's divine. My wife bought a bottle of the stuff that should easily last me into the next decade and beyond. On a side note, did you know that Christian Dior normally shortens itself to CD? My wife has a gorgeous silk robe that has a monogrammed CD on the front. Not only can I declare my love for Christian Dior, I can also declare my transgender nature at the same time. Pretty cool, huh?

Hope everyone's summer is going well!

Vacations

2007-06-15T05:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, so today's topic is vacations. I bring up this topic, because my wife is currently on her vacation she takes every few years, and is in Europe (lucky girl). So, here I am having all the responsibilities of house and home being carried on my wide (why are they so wide?) shoulders. Taking care of the animals, the house and of course our beautiful daughter. But enough about my life at the moment and how my wife's vacation is affecting me. How do transgender and vacation correlate?

When I consider my own transgender experience and identity, it seems that in many ways vacation is a good metaphor to use. For the majority of my existence I present as a male. Sort of like living in Iowa. I enjoy being a guy, much the same way that I enjoy living in Iowa. It's not that bad. I'm pretty comfortable here. I can find most of the things I enjoy as far as shopping, entertainment or friends. I think I could probably live the rest of my life here in Iowa, and never leave (god forbid). But, then I think about how much I would be missing. I have these moments when I have this driving desire to get of the state to go someplace else, another larger metropolitan area, another country. There are some things you just can't find in Iowa. Just like, there are some things you just can't experience or express as a guy. When I get this urge to travel beyond the limits of Iowa, I jump in my car and drive a few hours. When I get the urge to travel outside of guy-ville, I jump in my closet, and head to girl-ville.

Vacations are amazing. For me I find that getting away from the normal day to day gives me a chance to breath. It lets me relax, catch my breath, recharge my batteries. It reminds me of how much there is out there in the world that I have not had the chance to experience. It also reminds me of how much I like home.

For some people, the transgender experience is like a vacation into another gender for a short time, it's a trip to see and experience things you might not be able to in your normal gender-ville, then after a short visit you head back for home. For others, its a much longer visit. Maybe you are thinking about moving to a new place. You need to find out if you like the neighborhood. You may head back home, or you may move to a completely different area. And for some people, they head off in their gender RV for a 3 hour tour (sing with me: the weather started getting rough the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of her fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost....) and never come back. Perhaps they just enjoy traveling from one place to another, and don't like being at home, or maybe they found a new place to live. I have a relative who left home after college to see the world, and has never returned to the US. He never intended to leave the US and not return, but his travels caused him to change his mind - btw, he says life in Japan is incredible.

For the next few weeks I'm most likely going to be stuck at home in guy-ville, and in Iowa. I'm simply going to be too busy to take a vacation anywhere else. However, after my wife gets home, I hope to take a bit of a break and head on over to girl-ville for a breather, and maybe even get out of the state for a few days.

I wish you bon voyage on your journeys and vacations, whether they are to and from gender-ville, or from another geographical location.

Fences and Boundaries

2007-06-07T05:13:00.000-07:00

This week we put a fence in around our yard. We've wanted one for several years due to having a larger dog. It's amazing how a fence changes things. Luther is no longer limited to the length his chain will extend, he's free to roam the full yard. I think he's much happier.

Our new fence got me thinking about the fences and boundaries that we sometimes put up as transgender individuals. Maybe it's limits we put on how far we are willing to go in expressing ourselves. Perhaps it's limits that we feel are place upon us by society, family or circumstances. the question I have been wrestling with is whether or not these limits (fences) are beneficial or detrimental.

Speaking for myself I have certain boundaries that I tend not to cross. I tend not to wear earrings of any kind when I am in boy mode; even though more and more men are wearing earrings all the time, and people are caring less and less. If I am wearing sandals in boy mode, I usually make sure my nails are not painted. I do keep my legs, and most of my body clean shaven year round (my wife likes me that way), and no one really notices or says anything. The wife and I have placed limits regarding hormones or surgery (no to both). We would both love it if I could have electrolysis, but finances are tight.

I think that there is a point where boundaries are beneficial. It helps to ensure the safety and continued happiness of a person and relationships in general. The boundaries that I have allow me to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with my wife, as well as keeping the knowledge of who I am from spreading too far. At the same time, those same boundaries keep maintaining the societal image that being transgender is something to be ashamed of (I am hiding it after all). If I were to go out with bright red toenails, would people even notice, or would it give an opportunity to educate someone about transgender? If I wore big dangly earrings would people really care? Or are my fences about my own insecurities and hang-ups regarding how I want people to like me? If I wore my shirt that proclaims crossdressers as having more clothing options, would people point and laugh, or would they even notice?

I guess I'm still sitting on the fence.

LGBT in Mainline Media

2007-05-31T05:22:00.000-07:00

For the last year or so my wife and I have been noticing something interesting, and it seems like a constant theme. After last nights episode of CSI - NY, I feel like I want to mention it here.

Has anyone else noticed that of the big 4 television networks, CBS seems to be doing the most storylines and shows that have an LGBT theme to them that is treated with respect? There have been several transgender themed shows, as well as many other ones that had an LGB focus. What we have noticed is that though the focus of the storyline of the show may involve an LGBT character, it is treated as being merely part of the story, not something that needs to be flamboyantly displayed or treated as being some crazy lifestyle or something. These LGBT storylines are treated just like any other, and the LGBT portrayals are treated just like any other character that is part of any other show or storyline.

It's funny when you think about how traditionally, CBS has had this reputation of being the stodgy, old-fashioned, conservative network(ie: touched by an angel, murder she wrote, etc) would be the one that is doing the best job of treating LGBT characters and storylines with respect and normalcy. Hopefully, the other networks (who are all trailing CBS in popularity) will eventually follow suit and also do a better job of portraying the LGBT community in a fair and balanced way.

Thrills

2007-05-30T05:52:00.000-07:00

Originally Posted May 25, 2007

I've been thinking recently about how transgender activity for the majority of people is an erotic thrill. I say this because most people feel that the crossdresser represents the largest section of the transgender community, and by and large a majority of crossdressers freely admit to its erotic nature. So what I've been thinking about is how many of us get trapped in the eroticism and do not move forward into a more balanced and realistic expression of our transgender nature.

An online friend recently blogged how many crossdressers have "been living their lives online for years now, and are still talking about the same thing: how much they like pantyhose. Fine, I get it. Can we move on?" Ronnie is so correct, and I'm wondering why so many crossdressers fall into that category.

Why is it that we all complain about how we wish people would accept us for who we are, let us wear what we desire etc. And then we never do anything about actually changing people's perceptions for the better. Most people still think of crossdressers as being sexual perverts and nothing more. A majority of us spend hours everyday online, looking at or communicating with other crossdressers, and never move beyond that. Gee, why would so many people assume that we are sexual perverts?

We seem to like complaining about things. Is that what makes us happy? Is the fact that our thrill is still a "taboo" make it all the more erotic, and we don't want to reduce its erotic natre one iota? Speaking for myself, I know that when I began to express who I was in a mre full expression I did find that the erotic thrill was changed - not reduced, changed. No longer was it that 100,000 volt zap of thrill, it became more of a 100 volt constant buzz. I still find that my being Liz is very enjoyable, but it is no longer about the eroticism of it.

Maybe it's like nudism - not that I'm a nudist. For most of society being naked is an erotic thrill, something normally left to the shower or the bedroom.What I understand is that for a nudist,once they make being nude less of a taboo for themselves, the erotic nature of being naked or seing others naked is changed. It's not gone, its changed. Maybe it's compartmentalized into another area where it can be accessed when needed (my neighbor is naked, no eroticsism; my spouse is naked in the privacy of our home - eroticism abounds).

Just some thoughts.

Why Dress

2007-05-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

Originally Posted Feb 15, 2007

The question of why I am the way I am is probably the most often asked question that I get. It's also the question that I have asked myself the most, and the question that seems not to have an easily grasped answer. I've been asking myself this question for over 20 years and still have not found the conclusive answer, though I am coming closer.

My transgender memories go back almost as far as I can remember. I've always had a fascination for the feminine world. I remember looking through catalogs, looking not at the female clothing models, but at what they were wearing. I remember having to sit on the aisle seat in the pews at church so I could see the shoes the women of the congregation were wearing. As early as 9 or 10, I remember looking up the word transvestite in the dictionary, and self-identifying with that term (it wasn't until years later that I told another person.) My being transgender, being a crossdresser, is as a part of me as having blue eyes, or being right handed. I personally believe that it's a genetic variation of the human genome.

So it's genetic, but why do it? What do I get out of it? Well, in this area I can only speak for myself, every transgender has different specific answers here, but we all tend to be in agreement on a general level. Each of us has within us both masculine and feminine traits. For some those traits are in such a balance that both aspects of the person require expression. That's me. I have a well-developed feminine side that needs to be expressed. I have found that if I do not take the time to give expression to Liz, that symptoms of stress and depression quickly become apparant. However, as soon as I give Liz expression, those symptoms vanish or are dramatically reduced.

There is definitely a psychological response to dressing, but there is also a physiological reason as well. When I first began dressing there was a definite erotic thrill associated with it, over the years that has been decreasing and been replaced by a general feeling of peace when I dress. There are now many times that I dress where I do not get an erotic thrill at all, but the lack of that thrill does not cause me to dress less.

The reasons of why are very complicated, and I'm not sure if any of my explanations help, but at least some of my thoughts are down.

Closets

2007-05-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

Originally Posted Feb 1, 2007

As a crossdresser, my closet is full to over-flowing. I can't seem to have enough shoes or outfits. However, my closet is also full in other ways.

Due to current life situations, I am not able to be completely "out." Thus, rather than coming out of the closet, I tend to invite others in. I come out to people in my life and then bring them back into the closet with me, expecting them to respect my needs for privacy. It's not easy on them, and it can make my life very difficult to manage at times.

My fervent wish is that I could be completely out of the closet. That the only closet in my life was the one where I hang my clothes. Life would be so much more free. At some time in the future, I will be completely out. My wife and I are planning on it, it's just a matter of waiting until the time is right.

Closets are great places to hide and to play as one is young (both literally and figuratively), but as one grows and matures you discover there is a great big world out there that deserves to be explored and discover who you are and what you have to offer.

Progress

2007-05-30T05:46:00.000-07:00

Originally Posted Jan 15, 2007

Growing up transgender for me, was a time of being essentially alone. I knew from a very early age that I was different, and that I was not alone in that difference, but I didn't know anyone else until years later. I remember looking up the word transvestite in the dictionary before I was 10. For many years in me early teens, I skipped school or feigned illness to stay home and play in my mom's closet. I'm sure she knew, but she never said anything to me at the time.

Today's transgender young people are in a new world. Transgender is slowly coming out of the closet. There are literally millions of sites and profiles on the internet that are specifically transgender. These young people are coming to terms with who they are at an earlier and earlier age. As the transgender community becomes more confident and visible, society will have no choice but to deal with this reality.

I rejoice in the changes that are being made, and am thankful for all the pioneers who have made the progress within our society possible. Thank You!!!

Changes and Transitions

2007-05-30T05:42:00.000-07:00

I've had a blog for awhile on another networking style site, and have decided to move it here. So the first few blog entries will be copies of older blogs from the other site. I may transfer all of them, or I may transfer a select few. Older entries will be tagged as such at their beginning. Hopefully, I can be a bit better about using this blog than I have been in the past.